addiction excuses

Addict Excuses are Hilarious

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I can make fun of addicts because I am one. Addictive personalities like mine are so funny!

It’s as if we just knock on misery’s door and march right in. Hello! I’m here for my heaping helping of horror. Yes, just one serving for now. It’s not happy hour yet.

They say addicts are self-medicating. LOL. That’s some medicine. It’s like you say, “I feel bad, so what the hell, let’s make it a lot worse! Drugs aren’t a crutch. Junk food, booze, porn, blackjack, and compulsive shopping have NO MEDICINAL PROPERTIES.

Addictions are crutches?

Crutches are helpful (harmless) tools to help injured folks get from A to B. Addictive substances are not crutches. They are a cause of injury. Your crutch? Come on. A guy at the doctor: Thanks for setting my broken leg, doc. Crutches? No, no I don’t need crutches. I need you to break the other leg! Just grab that baseball bat, yeah. Take your time, I don’t want a compound fracture. Just a clean break that will keep me in bed for months. Trust me. This is how I cope with stress. Now, take out the other leg!

Addictions are crutches that help you get through life? Not. Addiction doesn’t help you cope with anything. You’re the one everybody has to cope with. You and your issues that you aren’t dealing with. No, drugs don’t help you COPE. They cause a whole new series of additional problems in and of themselves. Cope. Jesus. Hey man, I’m having a hard time coping with my boss. So I think I’ll get wasted, show up to work and tell that bastard what’s up. You call that coping? I call it self-sabotage.

Your wife is demanding? You poor thing. Why don’t you head off to the casino and lose your rent money? That’s sure to help you cope with her. Forget doing what you agreed to do around the house. That won’t benefit anyone, will it? Just go blow all your money! She is sure to stop complaining at that point.

To make matters worse, this is all premeditated. If she asks me to take out the trash one more time, I’m heading to the casino! Now, you could just take out the trash and do it regularly so she doesn’t have an opportunity to nag. Problem solved! But addicts aren’t looking for solutions. We look for more excuses to fuck things up.

It’s too hard to quit.

Here’s another gem. I can’t quit. The withdrawal symptoms will be excruciating!

No they won’t. A few days of discomfort compared to a lifetime of addictive misery? Withdrawal is a cakewalk. They even have clinics you can check into to manage the process. If you want to get off any substance, the world has a plethora of resources for you. But you don’t want to quit.

Quitting, although challenging, is much easier than living the rest of your life as an addict.

I had a difficult childhood.

Me too. And so did millions of other addicts and non-addicts. Childhood pain is childhood pain. It is to be dealt with. How does addiction help you heal your childhood pain? It doesn’t. Addiction justifies childhood pain. That pain is your grand excuse. How does nicotine help you heal emotional trauma? It doesn’t. It can’t. As soon as the drug wears off, there you are with your past.

Addiction does nothing more than prolong the agony.

Screw it! Who cares? Life is pointless anyway.

And how does that Jack and Coke make life more meaningful, hmm? Does a bag of ruffled chips give some profound meaning to life? Aren’t addicts the silliest little philosophers? Life is pointless, so fuck it, let’s make ourselves miserable.

Life may be pointless. Who am I to say? But I know this, addiction is not the remedy. Finding meaning in something that will leave you fulfilled – now that might be helpful. Addiction leaves you feeling empty, right? And now we’re left with quite the little philosophy. Life is pointless and empty, so let’s double down on that hand. Yeah, we’re going for suicidal emptiness here.

Find a point to living. It’s not at the bottom of a bottle.

Quitting is expensive. I can’t afford the treatment.

Quitting is free. Addictive habits are expensive. And most people who recover, do so without treatment.


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