You want what you can’t have because it feels bad. To people like us, sometimes feeling bad feels good.
It’s that simple. You secretly love perpetually wanting what you can’t have because the self-deprivation is pleasurable in some subtle, emotionally twisted way.
Now, you may not know what you really want out of life but getting that daily hit of self-deprivation – the emptiness, the missing out, the sheer longing for that thing you’ll never have – is so familiar that you settle for it, almost as if it were your fate.
Then, a big sigh of resignation. You can’t have what you want. It’s out of your control. Not your fault. But you’re stuck feeling like shit. Poor you.
Do life coaches have the secret?
There’s a reason life coaches spend time helping you figure out what you want. According to iNLP Center, this is part of the coaching agreement. The process of digging for what the client wants to gain from coaching is essential to success.
If you go to your garden variety life coach and tell him or her the truth, what would happen? Imagine it goes like this:
You: I always want what I can’t get. Why do people chase after things they’ll never catch anyway?
Coach: Why do you suppose you chase what you can’t have?
You: Me? Oh, that’s easy. I love the self-deprivation and emptiness that comes from never getting what you want. Therefore, I always try to get what I already know I can’t have. That guarantees failure.
Coach: Umm. Hmm. Soooo…..you…..like not getting what you want? I mean, you like being deprived so you set yourself up to feel that way all the time?
You: Sure. I mean, I can’t take all the credit. I do it unconsciously, which is fortunate. Who could consciously identify and analyze all the opportunities in a single day? No, no. I am deeply programmed to seek those familiar, negative places that I’ve made feel good so that I….
Coach: Wait! Wait…hold on a sec. I can’t coach you toward goals that make you unhappy. We’re gonna have to find some positive goals.
What the hell is this?
It’s called a psychological attachment, which discussed in a simple, unconventional ebook called Your Achilles Eel.
Psychological attachments occur when some form of suffering becomes so familiar that it ultimately becomes desirable. It’s the mind’s way of saying if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
When the pain won’t end, twist your perception of the pain until it becomes pleasurable. It’s child play for the unconscious mind, really.