never going to lose weight

No, you’re never going to lose weight

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You are never going to lose weight. End of story. Let it go.

Sure, you see scammy pictures of people online who lost weight on the latest diet that probably involved injecting cat urine. But even if you did introduce the special pee-pee into your veins, it wouldn’t work. For you. You are never going to lose weight.


Open a cigar store, a donut shop….an adult dating site. Whatever. Just stop driving yourself crazy trying in vain to lose weight. You’re fine. Enjoy life. Sure, your gut gets in the way. And it’s f-ing ugly. When you take a dump it’s hard to reach all the way around to wipe your ass. Showers are embarrassing even when you shower alone. Sex? Don’t get me started. You don’t shower enough to get naked with someone.

But think of this.

If you were to stop torturing yourself for not losing weight…

You’re fat. So fucking what? No one cares.

Fat is fat. It has perks. You don’t get cold easily. And…you might be perceived as jolly. Not bad!

But it sucks in so many ways. I get it.

But on top of all the suckage, when you are constantly expecting yourself to be different than you are… that is hell.

Even if you weren’t fat but still expected yourself to be perpetually different than you are, you’d suffer in a living hell of your own making. You can exit that hell. You can accept that you are a fat fuck and always will be.

Not to mention that everyone else in your life is sick of you bitching about being fat and swearing you’re going to lose weight, starting tomorrow! Stop it already. I know you feel compelled to keep trying but that’s the point. Stop feeling compelled. You’re never going to lose weight! Trying is merely a way to send a false flag notice to people around you that somehow you are making herculean efforts and it isn’t your fault.

No, it’s not your fault. And no, you don’t need to pretend to try. You will never lose weight. Stop fooling yourself.

Trying only makes matters worse and you know it.

You know what happens every single time to embark on a new weight loss plan. No matter how pumped up you are, you’ll find a way to get those Twinkies back into your pie hole. En masse.

Yet, I sense you want statistics. Check out the following, taken from Marcia Pell.

Don’t argue with the truth.

No matter which fake stats the weight loss gurus show, know this: You have a 95% chance of failing. My money is with the stats. But hey, I am a fat ass, too. And I hate it. But I don’t hate myself and I do not torture myself (anymore) with delusions of getting ripped and kicking sand on the beach. And I’d never bet on myself to succeed at losing weight.

So don’t think you are all alone. You’re in good company. Fat people who have accepted their fate are cool enough for the likes of you.

What does it mean to accept that you’re never going to lose weight?

Does it mean that you will die of an obesity-related disease? Probably, yeah.

Will members of the opposite sex be grossed out by you? Probably, with the exception of a few dudes who like fat chicks. And rich, fat dudes do okay with ladies who need dudes with cashola.

Are you going to sweat too much and lose your breath forever? Yep, until. you’re dead of that lifestyle disease.

Will you hate yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life? Yeah but everyone else does, too. That’s normal.

Will you silently live in shame because you lack discipline? Not if you give up trying to lose weight and accept your fat ass just like it is. Plumpy.

Repeat after me…

  • I am a fat fuck.
  • I am never going to lose weight.
  • I will stop punishing myself for being a fat fuck.
  • Life is to be enjoyed regardless.

See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?

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