We all have a dark side, but so many of us are living in denial of it. You know the thing many of us tuck away as if it doesn’t exist, living in denial or shame from fear of what it might reveal if we investigate it. Here’s the rub: In fact, it might be right there, brewing under the surface and revealing itself in painful ways. A wise business coach once told me: By shinin...
Like the brain, the psyche is a complex entity, made up of several parts. And like the brain, these parts don’t always agree on the best course of action. Often we feel conflicted or push-pulled in multiple directions to our great distress.
Conflicting parts of the psyche can add up to a mess, as in the following examples.
Isn’t it wonderful when you:
- Procrastinate and feeling guilty for procrastinating.
- Commit to a clean diet and exercise and blow it right away?
- Love your partner and are afraid to get close?
- Want to start a business but avoid starting it at all costs?
- Decide to speak up and then freeze when the opportunity comes?
How are these situations even possible? I suppose you could say claim that you simply change your mind. You’re all motivated for your exercise program, but you change your mind and avoid exercising. Well, you DID change your mind in a certain way.
The part of you that hates fitness came out and had its turn to play. This fitness-hating part decided to go for a few beers and Seinfeld reruns. In these moments – when you’re grabbing a beer and heading for the couch, you do NOT care about fitness. You don’t want to lose weight. You have a completely different agenda!
Parts inside you have conflicting goals. When the fitness fanatic inside you is front and center, you’re all hopped up on the prospect of getting ripped. And when the couch potato comes out, it’s time for a cold one and a warm sofa. Yeah, having parts is maddening.
But it doesn’t have to be confusing.